Brailroom

i need some big time help. what should i include? i honestly dont know what to write about. i have a little bit done but i dont know where to go from here.
be brutal!
As a little girl I would spend weekends and summers at a small auto shop owned and operated by my father. I would watch as the cars would pull in, and my dad would be ready to fix any problem he encountered. The customers of Bart’s Auto & Towing were not only customers, they were spectators. People loved to come and see the ‘Bat Man’ at work.
My father is blind, and earns a living as an auto mechanic. When I would accompany him to the shop I would learn many new things. Some days I would clean up his office , or organize the part shelves. Other times I sat staring at the large metal box-like thing on his desk. It was a Perkins Brailler. I was always amazed how he could hit the keys and make dots appear on paper. Once in a while I would hit random buttons on the Brailler hoping to make a word, but most of the time I typed something that was indecipherable. This day, however, was different. I had loaded a fresh piece of paper in the Brailler and started to hit the keys. As fast as I could I would make combinations of dots appear, and once I had filled up the sheet I called Dad over to see if I had made a word. His fingers quickly moved across the page searching for a word. The dots were coming to an end, and I thought I had failed once again. Dad’s fingers then stopped, moved back, and had reread the combination of dots. He smiled and said, “mop”.

thats all i got. its only the intro im guessing but what can i do to fix this? can i get rid of anything and still keep the story. and what else do i include? how its made me a better person or how this event has shaped me? HELP!@#

You have an interesting idea at the core of your essay and I think you need to focus on that. In reading your essay, I found myself thinking, "What? Her father is blind and he works as an auto mechanic? How can he DO that?" That’s the story I’d like to read. Tell the reader how your father is able to do the job he does and how that has influenced you. How can he repair something he can’t see? Does he do auto diagnostics based on sound alone? If your blind father can do a job that most people require their vision to be able to do, that’s pretty amazing. (You should call a local TV station — that’s the kind of personal interest story they love.) Anyway, write about what you’ve learned from him — determination, persistence, a refusal to accept limitations or whatever it is that he’s taught you. And maybe conclude your essay by talking about what you could bring to campus — determination, persistence, and the ability to change air hoses or whatever on a car!

Posted brailler |